There should be a vitality at the start of a New Year, but somehow things got murky for me and I energetically slowed down to an unproductive crawl. What planets are where? And what the hell are they doing? Murky. At the very least. Oily, slick, dark, sticky, immovable, impassable.
I am not prone to depression, but I could see how it would feel for someone who is to slide into an emotional state they didn’t recognize.
Finally, today, a week into the new year, I can begin to see clearly again. I can glimpse the truth of who I am again, separate from the confusion. That gives me just enough perspective to begin to pull myself up and out.
I need to get outside.
I open the door and immediately feel the spaciousness of possibility. I can go wherever I please, but I have a path that makes me happy for its houses and flowers, its easy slope, and the reward of open space at the end before I turn to come home.
What do I want from this time? What is my intention?
Emerging from the darkness I’ve been squatting in. Putting space between me and the toxic cloud of resentment, self recrimination and defeat that just passed over. Remembering what it feels like to be me–wholly, intact, and, not just functioning, but thriving.
Stride. Use my muscles, let them move me in the direction I want to go. It is my choice, my desire, my compass. I use my body to feel how alive I am, how vital.
I feel the storm clouds clearing from my eyes. There’s light and shape again.
Sounds and voices stop sounding strange and muffled. Listen for the birds, the sound of my own feet, the rhythm of movement and breath.
I swing my arms like pendulums of energy. When they move they create space around me, protective, loving space that is only for me.
Each foot plants itself, making contact with everything solid and stable in life–and then pushes off again, knowing the earth will be there to meet it in a moment.
This pattern of momentum is building energy around me, inside me. I am creating my own energetic velocity, winding my clock.
Was it the abrupt page-turning of my spiritual calendar that threw me off? The expanse of so much possibility held up against what I’d actually accomplished the year before? Whatever it was, I lost my bearings and my balance. It happens.
Each of us find our own way to gain clarity. For me it was getting outside into bracing clean air and feeling the steam of my own engine under power. I function. I work. I am not broken. I have value. I have purpose. I am moving forward.
Yes, I need to tell myself these things. Often. And more. But I also need to feel them at work in my body.
Do you need help gaining clarity in your life? This is where I thrive, as a facilitator, a guide, a partner in exploration. If it’s time to step out of the murkiness you’ve been caught up in, I am here for you. This is a fresh new year. Let’s find your place of power and ease within it.
Happy New Year,
#clarity #newyear #newyou #direction #personalpower #2019 #momentum #spiritualyou #purpose
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